I really am trying...

It always comes when I least expect it and at the most random times.  Sometimes I will be cooking dinner, doing homework, or just driving to school and the tears start pouring down.  Nothing in particular ever triggers it and I always feel stupid afterwards.  I miss him so much and my heart aches.  I sit in a class with 30 people in it and feel alone or I go to church on Sundays and I feel absolutely numb.  I don't know how to get past any of these feelings.  It is scary how much you can love someone and how deeply it can hurt and effect you when they are not in your daily life.  I am completely dependent on Brandon's love and support.  I am more than ready for it to be my turn for homecoming.  I am ready to pick out that special outfit I know he won't even care about when he sees us.  I am ready to feel the butterflies right before he gets off that white bus and into my arms.  I am ready to feel my heart pounding out of my chest when I finally see him.  I am ready to feel his arms completely wrapped around me.  And most of all I am ready to see him hold our son.  I have a few months to go and a whole semester of school to get through.  I know our day will come...