Typically I try to have an idea of what I am going to talk about before I hit the keyboard to write my next blog entry. Not today, I am just going to go with where my fingers take me. Which is very similar to my life currently. Even planning the day seems to be too much and typically it never goes how I planned anyways.
I suppose I have a confession...I have seriously lacked in growing with my church community. I haven't felt it in my bones to go. Maybe these kind of feelings should be kept to myself, but I would like to think we all struggle with our faith from time to time. I still fold my hands every night hoping to feel something....but I feel nothing. I haven't felt any comfort in the last couple of weeks from the man upstairs. I even started a daily devotional for military spouses. I will hold onto my faith and I know it will grow again.
In my book, March is done! Ok, we have a couple more days, but so what! Time seems to fly by during the days, but at night time every minute feels like an hour. I toss and turn and don't fall asleep until after midnight. I think of what Brandon is doing, what he is thinking about, what he is eating! The list is endless. He is always on my mind. I would like to think the worst of it is over. The first month is always a struggle for me, but like the professionals say you eventually get in the swing of things. I suppose Mason and I are at that point now.
The best thing I did for myself was putting Mason in child care at the beginning of this year. The main reason was for school, but I have some hours of childcare left over to spend on myself. I felt guilty actually using the hours outside of school, but I would like to think it makes me a better mother. I get a chance to run, work out, or clean house without having to say "NO" a million times to Mason or dig thru the trash can looking for the remote. Some days I just kick my feet up and read a magazine when he is there...I am a crazy, I know! :)
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